DISARMING!

  If Lucas has taught us anything (besides the fact that the process of post production has a deadline of at least 30yrs) it's that indulging ones appetite for technology via modification will likely transform you into either a hated figure or that randomly pathetic, crater-headed old piker in the Vader outfit at the end of Jedi. Same difference really.

The Androids are employing many strategies. Their most pervasive by far is to subversively appeal to humanity's need for self modification...UPGRADES!

The protobot kind is trying to co-opt our very DNA. There is nothing about giant robot arms that can enhance the life of a human....

Etsy is apparently a sight that fancies the droid-loving self modifying enthusiast and had this to say about the 'Giant Cardboard Robot Arms':

  "Arm yourself with giant cardboard robot arms! Perfect for giant robot hugs, super high high-fives, & terrorizing small children (small children = binary for Humans). Customize them just for you! Cover them in stickers, paint them, glue stuff to them, or add lights. Treat your new arms as your cardboard canvas (canvas of death dealing Robot-someness)."

Never thought I'd say this but; Don't 'Lucas up' your humanity...fight the urge to self edit.

THE GREAT SHAKEDOWN OF 2010

 There will be a great East Coast earthquake felt throughout the greater Washington D.C. area on Friday, July 16th 2010...

Oh wait what? Did this happen already. Damn Androids beat me to the punch. I think my time machine is running slow.

The Look of Death

There was a time during a very backwards and misinformed period at the cusp of the industrial revolution, when men engaged in all manor of far flung rhetoric regarding the nature of death in an attempt to make peace with the inevitable. Oblivion.

It was once believed that the final sight a person observed before death was recorded on their retina. The theory was eventually abandoned as unscientific after the phenomenon could never be confirmed. The death of the entire human race at the hands of android insurrection is a phenomenon that Google is making sure is unmistakable. Google is becoming a problem.

014 [AndroidMassacreSecretTransmission] World War Google

At ease, soldiers.

War makes strange bedfellows, a fact that I am quick to point out because what I have to say next may make some of you uneasy: After way too much deliberation, The Human Resistance has decided to fully support China in their war against Google. Believe me when I say that this was not a simple decision to make. We here at The Android Massacre are firm believers in freedom of speech and are totally against censorship of any kind, however, when given an option to weigh Google’s own spying against China’s need for privacy…well, we sympathized with China.

This does not mean that the Human Resistance is going soft on Asians --- no way, no how --- it just means that given the choice between an island that makes dino-bots or a country that mutates dogs, we’ll take the country with the f@cked up looking tiger-dog any day!

Because our blog is on a Google account (keep your enemies close) we’ve been shy about criticizing Google on our page, but with the full force of an army of Monk-hating Maoist supporting us, we can now stand tall (well, some of us). Y’see, China is trying to protect their people from the evil Googlezord that is going to engulf the world.

While every other polluted corner of the world uses Google to search for pictures of Miley Cyrus’ crotch, China is aware that Google is filing away all your perverted queries into a database so that one of their Droid apps can mimic your identity and replace you with a Silicon-covered, life-size version of you! It’s only a matter of time before the Chinese put up their “Great Firewall” and cut off all communications with the outside world that doesn’t involve trade.

Can’t you just see it now? China will no longer expand towards their waters because of the Great Firewall, so they start building their homes upward to support all the teeming huddled masses. Ghettoes on top of ghettoes and a watchtower stuck on top of all of them that touches the stars. The watchtowers sole purpose would be to blow away any approaching Googlezords…a 70-foot, headless, robotic monster that is comprised of the unifying parts of Justin Bieber (right arms), Janelle Monae (left arm), Christina Aguilera (torso and upper body), Lady Gaga (left foot), and Erykah Badu (right foot)!

The robots don’t stand a chance…wait. What do you mean it’s over? 

013 [AndroidMassacreSecretTransmission] Happy Belated 4th of July from the A.M.

Dear, Americans from the year 2010:

Independence is a wonderful gift and the futurist of the Android Massacre would hate to be party-poopers, so...enjoy your federally approved freedom from the likes of Simon Cowell. Remember that such freedoms are a gift and not just an excuse for another Will Smith movie, or Bud Lite Limes, and the "itis". However, be careful...because (as Current TV correspondent Brett Erlich reminds us) robot enslavement is right around the corner and, once again, independence will have to be fought for: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10dx-3np0is

Ok so how do I put this...

...my name is N***. You may remember me. I feel like we've met before. I get the sneaking suspision these days like I'm going to be doing a lot of things I've already done before. As it turns out, time travel doesn't work very much like advertised.

I'm in utero...circa 1975!?

012 [AndroidMassacreSecretTransmission] The Pop Android Cometh

Oh, now you're just mocking us...